Calling it Quits!!!

There was once a time when I barely managed to pass Engineering. A time when getting a Job was not a fairytale. Indeed I managed to land up in one. Although earning a 4-digit salary the job taught me priceless stuff. I was very happy with it untill came a day when greed got the better of it. More money drew me to end my satisfactory job, hoping to get more exposures to the big bad world of software development.

However it really wasnt a fairytale. History they say is a bad motorist, it never signals its intensions when it takes a turn. That exactly was what happened. I have sprung, stumbled, run, fallen, rolled over, got up and dusted myself. And here I am today. When i look back I feel that money aint everything. I have atleast a good amount of it today, but then again the work I do is of a dog and nowhere comparable to what I used to for the meagre salary.

So here I stand with two options, either accept the situation and get bogged down to this or stand up and Change. Change for the better. Embrace oppurtunities. I have been a person who never looks out for oppurtunities, but never forget to open the door when they knock.

Today the same "me" has sprung out again. I stand here embracing the change and hence **Calling it Quits...**

Childhood...

What is this life full of care, we have no time to stand and stare….

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.

I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.

The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.

It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,


Hello Mr.XYZ,

I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.

Regards,
Me.

Question for thought..

Suppose you are working on a project with a deadline approaching and everything is screwed up. Now at this point of time the tensions all around. At the same instance, you have your personal mail account open with an alert configured.

If you get a mail from your PM about a High prio issue to be looked into and also a mail on your personal account from a friend with whom you have not communicated for the last 5 years (remember the alert), the question is which mail will you see first?

Take time, i know its a moral conflict. Please do post comments on your answers. :)

Crushes to Crashes...

Everyone in their lives would have had crushes, and me too had my share of crushes. But, it didn't take much time for each of them to turn to crashes. None of my crushes took off, or probably they crashed even before they took off !! Today, when I look back, I cant manage but to have a laugh.

My first crush was on Miss R. I was in my tenth then. We happened to speak only once. It was when I had offered her a coke. She refused to have it and the very next moment I gulped it down. I still cant forget the dumbstruck look on her face. A few days later, she started going around with one of my classmates. They used to go for wonderful evening walks, Miss R, my classmate and her doggy. Unfortunately(fortunately for me), the affair didn't last too long. On one such romantic walk of theirs, my classmate was bitten by the doggy. He brought up the question : Its me or the dog......she chose the dog !!! The news gave me sadistic pleasure.

I was in a co-ed school for my 11th-12th. I got very friendly with Miss N in my class. It appeared to me that...yes...she is the girl. One day, Miss N came and sat next to me...close...really close.....my heart beats shot up. She said.....I want to tell you something....but please maintain it as a secret. I knew...this was it...yes....she went on...you know...X(another classmate of mine) proposed me......and I too like him...and I accepted. I am telling you coz you are like my brother.......WHAT THE HECK ? As if the first news wasn't bad enough, the second sounded suicidal. I looked at her with an artificial smile and said....Congrats S..S..Sis !!!

The next crush didn't take much time to happen. It was Miss S who walked in to class. I literally had my jaws hanging seeing her. We became good friends...but I never fancied my chances...given the Miss N experience. She was my Biology project partner....while she did the project...I concentrated on her biology ! Just as the boards got over, and as I was mustering enough courage to tell her, her dad got transferred. She changed the city.

Next in engineering college, there was this hottie in my class. Boy....she was a babe...Miss G. She used to stand opposite to me in the chemistry lab. I prayed for some chemistry to happen between us. But I guess, she was much smarter than I was. Miss G realised that I used to mess up all my titration experiments coz I used to be looking at her and not the lab apparatus. I called her out ALONE on my b'day. She turned up with her whole bunch of friends. The girls kept giggling and I looked for a place where I could go and bang my head.I steered clear of her for the rest of my engineering days.

Moving on from here, it was a major success story. This time round, it took some time for things to crash....just a little longer..a bit more than five years. Everything seemed like a fairy tale when the crash factor took the better of me.

By this time, I was in my job and I decided to use the term "interest" instead of crush. So , my interest grew in Miss L in office. I thought she was a very pretty lady. Thankfully, the growth of my interest stopped very soon, the moment I learnt that she was supposed to go on leave the next week for her marriage. She was to marry her long time boyfriend. Only one thought came to my mind....The good ones are always taken !!!

Ha ha ha.....thankfully.....I have grown out of all these......no more CRUSHES.....so no chances of CRASHES......I live this way now.....hey...wait.....who is this girl ???? ;-)

In my hour of Need!

In my hour of need
Ha you're not there
And though I reached out for you
Wouldn't lend a hand

Through the darkest hour
Grace did not shine on me
It feels so cold, very cold
No one cares for me

Did you ever think I get lonely
Did you ever think that I needed love
Did you ever think to stop thinking
You're the only one that I'm thinking of

You'll never know how hard I tried
To find my space and satisfy you too

Things will be better when I'm dead and gone
Don't try to understand, knowing you I'm probably wrong

But oh how I lived my life for you
Still you'd turn away
Now as I die for you
My flesh still crawls as I breathe your name
All these years I thought I was wrong
Now I know it was you
Raise your head raise your face your eyes
Tell me who you think you are, who ?

I walk, I walk alone
Into the promised land
There's a better place for me
But it's far, far away
Everlasting life for me
In a perfect world
But I gotta die first
Please God send me on my way

Time has a way of taking time
Loneliness is not only felt by fools
Alone I call to ease the pain
Yearning to be held by you, alone, so alone, I'm lost
Consumed by the pain
The pain, the pain, the pain

Won't you hold me again
You just laughed, ha, ha, bitch
My whole life is work built on the past
But the time has come when all things shall pass
This good thing passed away

In my darkest hour

I'm Still Growing...

Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to climb Mount Everest. On May 29, 1953 he scaled the highest mountain then known to man-29,000 feet straight up. He was knighted for his efforts.

He even made American Express card commercials because of it! However, until we read his book, High Adventure, we don't understand that Hillary had to grow into this success.

You see, in 1952 he attempted to climb Mount Everest, but failed. A few weeks later a group in England asked him to address its members.

Hillary walked on stage to a thunderous applause. The audience was recognizing an attempt at greatness, but Edmund Hillary saw himself as a failure. He moved away from the microphone and walked to the edge of the platform.

He made a fist and pointed at a picture of the mountain. He said in a loud voice, Mount Everest, you beat me the first time, but I'll beat you the next time because you've grown all you are going to grow... but I'm still growing!

-Sir Edmund Hillary

Waiting...

Its 7:15am and I stand here in the bus stop waiting for the office bus to arrive. I stand here in the same spot as I did a few years back waiting for my college bus. Little did I know then that things would change so much in 2 years; the tree under which I was standing seemed to be looking at me and smiling, perhaps the only living thing that stands as a testimony there, watching the transformation of a loud and bubbly person into a quiet professional. I wouldn't blame the professionalism for the change though. It is destiny, or may be you could call it life. Yes Life, esoteric in the true sense, for one does not understand why you meet hundreds of people everyday, work with so many, and still remain lonely.

I am now in one of the corner seats in the bus, looking out of the window watching people trying to catch up with "life"! It's an hour's journey and the only company that I generally have is the chatter of the RJ. I seldom notice the person sitting next to me, for its going to be yet another stranger or may be you could say another acquaintance. It is annoying at times when the radio is switched off, not because I am cut off from the melody (?) but because I would now be thrust with the thought of the solitary travel ahead. I can't help thinking about the short bus journeys to college, well it's a paradox to call a distance of 40 kms "short", but that is how it always seemed. A typical college day always begins in the bus with all the familiar faces; you look forward for all your friends to get in from the various stops, the reasonless giggles, the loud laughter that were stifled to avert the eyes of the lecturers and professors who would watch on us as if we were their prospective prey for the day, well as I said it was a different life then.

The pleasant memories of college are in itself good enough to save me from the misery of the bus journey. I notice that it is time for me to get down and flash my smile of acknowledgement to all the known strangers that I see as I walk towards my cubicle. A few of my project mates greet me with their morning wishes and as always, we exchange our pleasantries. Discussions
jump to the weekend plans and I wonder what I'd do over the weekend. It would be just another day staring at the mobile, wishing it would ring and bring back some wonderful moments that are now missing in life or maybe the safer option would be to come to office, for it's my new founded asylum these days. A few years back, weekends or weekdays didn't matter to me, I was always busy. I always stood doubting the authenticity of the wall clock that seemed to be in running too fast to perceive its movement. Alas, now it seems as though my clock is suffering from some kind of paralytic attack.

There is a time in life, where one needs to go ahead, leave behind all your friends and carry along only memories. You do make friends, but then you never get back the same old close ones, you do meet people who'd be so good to you that you could tell them anything and everything, but you'd not find a person, to whom you needn't say things, friends who just know you.
Occasional calls from such friends, has been the only thing that I seem to look forward to, but I cant help but notice the uneasy pause that lingers around the conversation, pause not because of the relationship, but because it is too short a duration to say everything, and of course you cannot completely rule out the paucity of words!


As I sip coffee from the ubiquitous coffee mugs, watching the drops of rain, trickling down the tinted glass panes, veiling the scenic beauty outside, I tell myself, may be there'd be a day when things change, when life offers a rewind, a recap of all the events, and I'd just have to wait.

Capricious are the ways of life, for I know there would be many who'd be able to empathize with me, ironically, even the dear ones that I miss this moment, are waiting perhaps.

Mungaru MaLe

My personal review

It had been a long time since I dared to watch a kannada movie in theatre. I used to prefer to stick to the local TV channels. A week or two back some of my friends mentioned about this movie "Mungaru MaLe", and they also said that its a decently shot movie with a good storyline and cinematography. When I got into more details I found that the male lead was a TV host for a comedy serial. I was quite sceptical about his acting abilities in a full fledged movie.

However after yesterdays show of Mungaaru MaLe, I feel so happy that I dint let go this movie thinking to be just one of those every-friday-releases.

The movie indeed has a very good star cast. Ganesh has belted an amazing performance. Especially the comedy+climax in the movie. Sanjana Gandhi's looks are so-so however the chemistry is very good.

Coming to the cinematography I am quite embarassed that being in Karnataka for almost 26 years now, I have never been to these places where the movie is shot. Simply amazing and breathtaking cinematography. Hats off.

Being a movie of the same concept of Boy-Meets-Girl-Falls-in-Love, this also captures the reality aspect not making it a happy-go-lucky ending. The best part of the movie is indeed the climax.

Not to give away much of the story, I would strongly recommend each and every kannadiga to go and watch this movie. Its a movie for all those loved-and-lost romeos.

Three cheers to Mano Murthy and Sonu Nigam. The 2 tracks "Anisutide.." and "Mungaaru..." are too good.

PLEASE GO AND WATCH THIS MOVIE...